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Niets is persoonlijk

Posted on January 20, 2013 at 2:02 PM
Maak de volgende afspraak met jezelf: vat niets persoonlijk op.
Alles wat tegen je wordt gezegd, over je wordt gezegd, emoties of kritiek, het heeft allemaal niets met jou te maken. Het is een reflectie van de ander.
 
Wat hij voelt, denkt of ervaart is zijn zaak en zijn probleem. Dat is opgebouwd uit zijn verleden (opvoeding, omgeving, beïnvloeding, ervaringen, meningen) waardoor hij de wereld door deze bril bekijkt. Als jij daar niet aan voldoet is dat niet jouw zaak. Kijk in alle rust naar zijn reacties, blijf neutraal en zonder oordeel.
 
Omgaan met meningen of opvattingen van anderen is lastig. We zijn namelijk geneigd om wat tegen ons of over ons wordt gezegd, persoonlijk aan te trekken. Dit is totaal onnodig. Nogmaals, het zegt helemaal niets over jou.
 
Als jij iets doet wat in de ogen van de ander niet goed is krijg je verschillende reacties. De één wordt woest en begint te schreeuwen, een tweede persoon zucht en schudt verontwaardigd zijn hoofd, en een derde blijft relaxed en zoekt samen met je naar een oplossing.
Het is een situatie waar verschillend op wordt gereageerd. Geen van deze drie reacties heeft iets met jou te maken, maar met henzelf waar zij zelf verantwoordelijk voor zijn, niet jij.
 
Wat gebeurt er met je als iemand bv. boos op je is, of denigrerende opmerkingen maakt? Word je onzeker, angstig, boos, verdrietig, ga je twijfelen, voel je je veilig of beledigd?
Als je wordt geraakt, besef dat een deel van jou nog niet ''genezen'' is. Je zit nog met een onverwerkt deel in je, en die emotionele wond wordt op dat moment geraakt.
 
Wat er ook wordt gezegd, let goed op dat je je nooit gaat verdedigen. Je geeft de ander namelijk het idee dat hij gelijk heeft en dat versterkt hem in zijn mening. Een vervelende discussie met hooglopende emoties kan het gevolg zijn.
 
Hoe kan je hiermee omgaan en dit loslaten?
- Via visualisaties jezelf veilig in de wereld zetten.
- Ga na wat de reden is dat je geraakt wordt en welke emotie er bij komt kijken.
  Vaak is het 1 specifieke emotie waarvan de oorsprong in je jeugd ligt die eruit
  springt, en enkele andere emoties in de slipstream meeneemt. Ga hiermee 
  aan het werk, met behulp van een ander.
- Ga dingen doen waarbij je een goed gevoel over jezelf krijgt, en waar je  
  veel inspiratie op doet.
- Train je gedachtegang dat je goed bent zoals je bent, dat je blij bent met je
  zelf, en wat anderen zeggen niets met jou te maken heeft.
 
Besef dat anderen komen en gaan in je leven, en dat er maar eentje is die je hele leven bij je blijft. Dat ben je zelf. Zorg er daarom voor dat jij de grootste vriend(in) van jezelf wordt.
 
Als je niets persoonlijk aantrekt sta je rustig, krachtig en vredig in het leven. Je ziet de ander zoals hij is, met zijn goede- en schaduwkanten. Ook als iemand tegen je liegt blijf je rustig. Hij is namelijk bang om te laten zien dat hij niet aan een verwachting wil/kan voldoen. En al roddelt iedereen over je, het zal je een zorg zijn. Lach er om, want blijkbaar ben je interessant.
 
Let er op dat je ook de andere zijde niet persoonlijk aantrekt. Complimentjes, mooie woorden, adoratie, het is allemaal een reflectie van de ander en zegt niets over jou. Neem complimenten aan door ''dank je wel'' te zeggen ( er zijn een hoop mensen die complimenten met hun hand letterlijk wegwuiven met de opmerking ''geen dank’’), maar ga niet in je ego zitten en naast je schoenen lopen. Haal er inspiratie en energie uit om verder te gaan.
 
Ik heb deze blog in de ''hij'' vorm geschreven. Trek het je niet aan, je kunt hiervoor ook ''zij'' lezen.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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