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Veronderstellingen of aannames

Posted on June 12, 2013 at 3:37 PM
Het veronderstellen of aannemen van zaken is een neiging die veel mensen hebben.
Je haalt wat in je hoofd, en fantaseert over hoe dit zou kunnen lopen. Vaak gaat het de negatieve kant op waarbij angst, woede of frustratie komt kijken, en voor je het weet geloof je dat het de realiteit is.
 
Er zijn vele vormen van aannames. Ik zal een voorbeeld noemen: stel je voor dat je je aan iemand ergert. Je fantaseert wat je allemaal gaat zeggen, wat de reactie van de ander zou kunnen zijn en hoe je daarop gaat reageren. Ondanks dat het een veronderstelling is reageert je lichaam hierop: je wordt gespannen, gaat gejaagder ademhalen en voelt je boos worden. Je reageert al terwijl er in werkelijkheid niets aan de hand is. En als je niet oppast blijf je dit herhalen waardoor je witheet wordt.
Wat denk je wat er gebeurt als je de ander tegenkomt, die van niets weet? Hij/zij is neutraal en open, terwijl jij op ontploffen staat?
 
Trouwens, door je gemoedstoestand is op dat moment iedereen een schietschijf voor je geworden.
 
Het komt er in het algemeen op neer dat je veronderstelt wat anderen zouden kunnen doen of denken (wat je persoonlijk opvat), wat er zou kunnen gebeuren, en waar je met emotie op reageert.
 
Dat is vragen om problemen want de verstandhouding met de ander verslechtert, je omgeving ziet, hoort en voelt dit en reageert hier op, het vreet energie en je creëert een drama voor niets.
 
Nog erger wordt het als je je aanname doorvertelt aan anderen. Dat is roddelen, en als anderen daar in meegaan wordt je fantasie versterkt.  
 
Op den duur zie je de dingen niet meer zoals ze werkelijk zijn. Je ziet alleen wat je wil zien en je hoort wat je wil horen.
 
Je kunt dit stoppen door bewust in het hier en nu te leven. Daarnaast stop je met de behoefte om het gedrag van de ander te willen veranderen of aan te geven wat jij vind dat goed voor hem is. Dat is de ultieme aanname: denken dat jij het beter weet. 
 
Volledige acceptatie van de ander zal eerst confronterend zijn: de ander houdt je namelijk een spiegel voor, en leren accepteren van die ander betekent dat je op dat terrein aan jezelf mag gaan werken. Daarna zal je begrip en innerlijke rust krijgen.
 
Fantaseren mag en moet, maar gebruik het vooral voor mooie, positieve, zaken en voor je dromen en doelen te realiseren.
 
 
 

Categories: aannames

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